The Unusual Case of Marco Motta

November 8th, 2011 | by: gadsby | Comments Off

I could have used a more subtle, iconic image to describe this great paladin of calcio, but I think this one fully describes his shocking talent. Credit where credit is due, I found it on the official Juventus website.

Gadsby is on twitter. He doesn’t really give a horse’s head whether or not you read this post, as long as you comment here and follow him on twitter, as the love of Gadsby’s life (which is Gadsby) has turned Gadsby down cruelly, and his ego is in desperate need of a snuggle and a fondling. Follow him on twitter @FJGadsby

When the Italy squad for the upcoming friendlies was announced, I was instantly filled with rage at the exclusion of one of Italy’s finest footballing icons, a truly dynamic and exciting wingback able to turn it on at all levels, and a great underrated champion who has been denied a call-up by the cruel hand of the backwards madman who hates Juventus who somehow runs the Azzurri, Cesare Prandelli. This player is one of the peninsula’s most exhilarating young starlets despite not even being young, he can fly up the wings and attack like a NATO bombing campaign destroying a poor village at one end, and then defend like a man caught in a lengthy embrace with his wife’s sister at the other, before playing a perfectly worked pass to instigate yet another attack which he ultimately finishes off with a thirty yard volley that breaks the goal net.

It can only be obvious as to who I’m talking about. Marco Motta, brother of Inter’s Thiago, is Italy’s past, it’s present, and it’s future. Marco Motta has played a crucially important role to Italy’s most in-form side both on and off the pitch, even though he has not yet set foot on the pitch this season his impact has been keenly felt, as any true Juventino would tell you, and if they don’t tell you that than they are clearly not a true Juventino. How Prandrubbish (the laughter on your faces is payment enough for this, thank you) fails to call up Marco Motta when he as plain as the nose on the face of the man on Talk Radio says he wants a “meritocracy” (which means play shit players in real language) is astounding. Every time I think about it I feel like vomiting all over a picture of Ignazio Abate. How does Abate even make it into the squad, and why isn’t Marco Motta playing?

Marco Motta is not only a great champion, but a great beauty. I am, of course, completely straight, as any of my 29 (well, 27 really, as I cheated on the last two) previous girlfriends will attest to at great length, but nonetheless even I am dazzled by his magnificent figure and beautiful locks, which would make Balzaretti burst into tears of angry sadness, consumed by the bitter knowledge that he will never aspire to such heights in terms of skill or beauty.

And Balzaretti would indeed be right. Alas, the likeliness of Motta one day breaking into the Azzurri squad is unlikely on PrandellISNT’s (no need to thank me again) watch, as the Florentine prefers trashy right backs to Great Champions, choosing players like Maggio, Cassani, and Abate (ugh!). It is much the same at Juventus, where Antonio Conte, who is only misguided, but can otherwise do no wrong, chooses Lichtsteiner above Motta. This is disgusting. I mean, Antonio Conte, a symbol of Northernness, in the very heart of the North itself chooses to go against the Lega Nord and play a foreigner ahead of a pure blooded Italian?! Clearly, Antonio Conte is a racist. I don’t really know what that word means, but I know two things; the first being that I am not a racist, and the second is that anyone who disagrees with me is.

SO…..

How long will this state of affairs last? Will anyone pop the dirty question to Prandawful (no need to thank me, your smiles are their own rewards), and say “where’s Marco Motta?”. No. And do you know why? Because most people can’t see the trees for the bloody forest, where there is a great, undiscovered champion, they see a horrible defender who makes mistakes all the time, just as when a new Genius rises from amongst the ranks of the football bloggers; a veritable Einstein crossed with Hemingway, with a huge slice of Casanova on top, people, as low and stupid as they are cannot recognize His brilliance. This state of affairs would make me weep were I an ordinary man, but I am very Hard, so I never weep.
What do you lot think? Feel free to tell me in the comments section. Whatever you say will be naive, stupid, and wrong, and I won’t hesitate to inform you in great detail, but comment anyway. It massages my ego.

BREAKING: AS I WAS WRITING THIS PIECE, THE SHIRT THAT ITALY HAVE BEEN WEARING SINCE 2010 HAS BEEN LEAKED. I GIVE YOU THIS EXCLUSIVE PICTURE.