Know Thine Enemy II

September 12th, 2011 | by: elaine | Comments Off

To prepare for Euro 2012, I am running this occasional feature. Last time, based on a previous poll, we discussed hypothetical if not downright ridiculous ideas for training techniques. This time, we are bringing it closer to home, as we discuss what the fans can do to solidify their places as the 12th man, thus helping their teams to victory. The more we know about our enemies, the easier to defeat them.

Four teams have now qualified for Euros, plus Poland and Ukraine, of course. So I will highlight 3 of the qualified teams, and ask that all of you offer suggestions for the fourth, our very own Italy.

The Netherlands

Unlock the gates of the Asylum, here come the Oranje. The Netherlands are known for having the most enthusiastic fans, but not for winning major tournaments. I mean one Euro title does not justify this man’s attire, right? Do you see the correlation? Granted, mixing orange and the red, white, and blue is a dangerous concept to begin with. But you do not have to look like the trash bins of a flea market, either. My solution: antipsychotics. Liberally dispense them to the fans. Not only will it improve the view at the stadiums next summer, but the fans might actually be able to cheer their team to victory instead of thinking they are all at a really strange Rave.

Spain

One would think that with a Euro title back to back with a World Cup title, the fans would be growing accustomed to winning and learn how to carry themselves with elated decorum. But no, they are used to drinking to drown the sorrows of a loss. You see, winning fans know that you only need a little alcohol to enhance the elation of victory. But when you drink too much, even coupled with a win, you might get caught with your pants down. And if the team bus comes by just now, what do these guys give the players to sign? Their flag? Let’s hope not. My solution: learn to drink in moderation. If you end up losing, you can always drink more. But if you are this sloshed and they win, then you are just a bad joke on some other national team’s blog.

Germany

Okay, everyone knows that there is strength in numbers. But last I checked, it didn’t win you your World Cup on home soil. So Germany need to pick it up a bit. We all know that they can gather in large groups and wave flags, we’ve seen that before. Fans can still be organized and polite if they must, but with some facepaint or bodypaint and more colorful outfits, your team will know that you want them to win. (Maybe they can borrow some things from the Dutch?) Teams need passionate fans behind them. They need to look up and see their country’s colors. Adding some hot women never hurts, either. So my solution: cut loose and add some color. German fans don’t always need to be so tidy and polite. Let your hair down and live a little, your team will thank you. And maybe not quite so many flags, that’s just a little scary, you know?

Now it’s your turn: what can Italy’s fans do better to put them in position to be the 12th man? No idea is too ridiculous, we are not favorites to win, you know, our boys in blue will need every advantage we can give them.

When Elaine isn’t critiquing the fan foibles of our enemies, she does a Twitter driveby. Follow her @ItaliaWCB

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