Serie A review; week 19, meaningless transfer gossip, and an extended rant about Montreal.

January 22nd, 2012 | by: gadsby | Comments Off

Alessandro Del Piero and Montreal Impact owner Joey Saputo.

The noted rent-a-quote astronomer Carl Sagan once said: “If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” After roughly 19 weeks of the 2011-12 Serie A season, I think that we all can be in agreement that Antonio Conte makes the best apple pies from scratch. At just over the halfway point, undefeated Juventus look down upon everyone from their regal vista at the pinnacle of the Serie A table, a position clinched by a definitive 2-0 win against Antonio Conte’s former club, Atalanta. Elsewhere, Roma thrashed Cesena 5-1, with, most notably, Francesco Totti pulling ahead of the legendary Gunnar Nordahl’s record for goals at a single club, first scoring his 210th goal in the Giallorossi before complementing it with a 211th. Bortolo Mutti’s Palermo also scored 5 for a marginal victory of two goals against Genoa, while Siena held Napoli comfortingly after smashing their dreams of a scudetto to a 1-1 draw, Milan thrashed Novara 3-0, Parma held the mighty Bologna to a draw in the Emilia-Romagna derby, Lecce and Chievo split the points after a 2-2 draw, Cagliari drew Fiorentina in another round of one of Italy’s plentiful “they were brilliant three years ago” derbies, Udinese edged Catania 2-1, Inter are yet to play their little sister Lazio, and has anyone else noticed that Atalanta are in 15th?

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On the transfer front, the Montreal Impact of the MLS have allegedly offered Juventus’ Alessandro Del Piero a $5mil contract to play alongside fellow ageing Azzurri legend Brian Ching, I trust you are still awake. I’m not sure if this rumour is true, though, knowing the Montreal Impact, it almost certainly is, and if it isn’t, then it will be within a few minutes of posting, because Joey Saputo is the supporters’ president, particularly the supporters with a terrible (some might say ‘cheesy’) fashion sense, every NOW! That’s what I call music! album released in the ’90s, very little in the way of a social life, and three consecutive champions league titles at Palermo and Atalanta on Football Manager 2011 (in the immortal words of Gary Gygax, “the writer may fall into this category”). Mr. Saputo, an Italian-Canadian, has also based much of his club around the philosophy of the Inter side of the early ’90s (what a time it was to be alive), with black and blue colours, an impressive knowledge of the true meaning of owning a football club; to wit, a way with money money money that would make even Bjorn Ulvaeus blush. As with the Inter side of the ’90s, we can only expect the most enjoyable and spectacular form of disappointment will ensue.

Moving away from the Montreal bashing and looking at this move objectively (do I have to?), I would, in Del Piero’s position, accept in a matter of seconds, as Montreal, much like its footballing twin Milan, is a lovely place, with the most believable Turin Shroud replica the world over. What’s more, $5mil is $5mil, and I would snap up the chance to be paid $5mil to play football in Montreal like Antonio Cassano confronted with a jar of nutella, and this is not to mention all the lovely memories that the Juventus captain has in blue shirts. I would like to take the easy route out and say that this move would be more suited to Del Piero’s level, but I would be incorrect, as Del Piero, in my opinion, has the skill and ability to continue playing at Juventus for a few more years. He will be greatly missed on the peninsula.