Roberto Donadoni managed the Italy squad all the way into Swiss Austria and is quite proud of his accomplishment. He’s positive that what he has done already is enough to guarantee him a lengthier contract. However, someone should tell him he did it with the Reigning World Champs.

That’s exactly what the FIGC has done.

The Italian federation has decided not to renew Roberto’s contract right away. They’ll be renegotiating when the deal ends, which means July. This is understandable seeing how world Cup winners Carlo Ancelotti and Marcello Lippi are, let’s say, valid replacements. So I can understand that the FIGC doesn’t feel the urgency to renew the Don’s deal. Add to that the fact that Donadoni didn’t exactly breeze through the qualifiers.

However Donadoni thinks he has done enough in the last 2 years to merit the FIGC’s confidence. Understandably, July’s a bad month to try to find a bench for the upcoming season. But the fact that he’s young, a former star and is receiving many offers to coach elsewhere is getting to his head. Losing a WC final and gifting Livorno with a UEFA cup spot doesn’t instatntly promote you to Marcello Lippi-esque cult status Bob !

Don, if you want to be employed in July, you know what to do…

Forza Italia !

In honor of not having to care about the outcome of an eventual Azzurri victory, I’m not writing a preview. The scoreline will be heavily favored toward the champs and it will probably be over by the time everyone gets in position for the opening whistle. Wish all the luck in the world to the Faroes, but that will never be enough. Which means…Italia are somehow your Group B champions, and take the distinction of once again topping France into the Euros. Therefore, in honor of Italy advancing and France beings bridesmaids again, a look back on the highlights and times for celebration in the last 18 months. Enjoy.

Tonigol Seals It Beautifully Against Ukraine

DDR Breaks Georgian Hearts From Long Distance, Camo Nods It Home & Perrota Seals It Ugly

Toni Owns Scotland

Quagliarella’s Due Against Lithuania



Di Natale’s Double In Ukraine

Tonigol & Grosso Get Magical

Panucci Seals Qualification

And Of Course, Your WC Victory Vids…

They’re through, and that is all that matters. Finito. Done. Hell, they can lose against the Faroe Islands at home and still make the trek north next summer for some fine ass chocolates and cuckoo clocks. And the savior of the day? None other than Christian “Old Man River” Panucci, who got on his pogo stick and out-jumped all those young, Scottish whippersnappers and beat them to the ball. Oh, to be old and athletic. As far as the game, I had this to say in the preview:

“This is one game where the only thing that matters is the end result, and I could give a fuck all about the means.”

I’m sticking to my word. They sure as hell didn’t look like World Champs (how on earth the possession wound up 50/50 I don’t think even Rene Descartes could figure out), but they got the result and that’s all I care about. And yes, they deserve credit for doing it in hostile territory in poor conditions.

The scoreline should have been more heavily in the Azzurri’s favor – namely 2-0 if the referees in Scotland could properly assess the offsides rule. Toto Di Natale’s poach should have counted, while the Scottish player was offside in nearly the exact same place on the field in front of the same linesman. Last free kick? Meh. Anywho…

So, book your tickets to Switzerland & Austria, it’s off to take care of some business. Now, as far as the details of the games go: apologies, I can’t get into too much. Not only was the Vaseline stream in full effect, I could only see out of one eye for whatever was there (it’s cluster headache season for me, oh happy days). I got the gist of the game, but the particulars I’m just not the person to ask for this game. And it’s entirely possible I wouldn’t have been regardless, as it was nerve-wracking enough without having to worry about who was sending what cross where, who couldn’t turn the correct shoulder off the attacker (ahem, ADT) and who was giving his man space on the wrong side. This is one of those games you watch to watch, and that’s that. They’re through, now moving on.

Martha’s on the particulars, while Ian has summed up the emotion of the Scotsmen today.

Standings

1. Italia 26pts
2. France 25pts

All that matters right now, baby. Wednesday is now a formality.

Highlights

Tonigol

The man is a certified machine and it’s a damn shame that he has to spend his weekends in the Bundesliga as opposed to the homeland. What’s more impressive, though, is that every time I see him his ball skills and coordination continually improve. Yeah, it’s a cliche, but the man is truly like a fine wine, ripening with age. The goal was superb, sticking his outside foot and 12 meter long legs past the defenders outstretched leg was quality for the big man, and displayed an underlying agility not commonly seen with many bigger target men (this is where you try and picture Jan Koller or Peter Crouch in Coppelia). Same goes for his ball work however many minutes later, beating the defender with a subtle touch and firing the shot into the outside of the net. Boys got skillz.

* – This is why I drool uncontrollably every time I see Graziano Pelle marked as “Luca Toni with better ball skills”. Hummuna.

“The stadium was on fire, even if it was raining. You couldn’t hear yourself think,” he noted of a packed Hampden Park.

“We played a great game and in the end deserved our victory.”

“I want to dedicate this win to Sandri. Faced with such a tragedy, our victory looks like a minor incident.”

I haven’t run through all the interviews, but for the guy on the team playing furthest from home it’s a nice gesture. Obviously he is Italian and this is a national issue as much as, if not more than, a sporting issue, but it’s still something to think of that after what has to be an emotional and draining victory on Scottish soil.

To me Luca has always been a class act and it’s nice to see him continue the trend despite spending so much time with Franck Ribery. Of course, I’m still not entirely convinced his moving to te Bundesliga was based solely on the fact that he could “never play with another Italian team against Fiorentina”. You know, seeing as he had been there all of two years and I don’t think we need to see his tax forms to surmise he’s making a decent sum of change up there in Germany…

But we always love you, Luca. Keep scoring for la nazionale and I could give a damn if you make 12m per year for a Qatar B side.

And The Coach Of The Match Award Goes To…

…Raymond Domenech. Nominated by…himself. Awarded by…….himself.

When Rayray passes on, there needs to be an immediate summit of all the top minds in neurological medicine to try and figure out how can a single person, who has supposedly gone through the full gamut of evolutionary stages, continue to make Paris Hilton look like Marie Curie and Albert Einstein’s love child. Seriously, I mean some of the stuff he says is incomprehensible. Example #712,953,841 (and a 1/2):

“At least they were useful for once. They won because my words motivated them. I didn’t see the game, as I prefer not to force myself to sit through too many ugly things. I feel both relieved and frustrated, as to be honest I would have preferred to play the last game in Ukraine with the need for a result. This is the strength of our squad, the ability to hold out under pressure, when we are afraid of elimination. I shall miss that sensation.”

First of all, I guess he must not look in the mirror often, then. Second, the day that I bring my bill to the UN requiring IQ testing prior to procreation, he’ll be my examples 1-bajillion – and I’m pretty sure it will sail through with a unanimous vote. (As well as full episodes from The View.)

Oh, and now all the Azzurri needs to take Group B is a quick 3 points at home against the Faroe Islands. Congrats, France, you’ve been beaten by the better team once again.

Rino felt the same way, “Domenech is always being such a pain and he really did not deserve to reach the finals.”

Of course, they’ll never stop bitching about Italy and how they “deserved” to win in Berlin. As always, the French with their panties in a bunch.

Women.

Man of the Match

Easily Gigi Buffon’s “Turban Gasping For Air“. I spent no less than 20 minutes trying to figure it out before I decided he cut himself and with no bandages in the locker room, the only thing available to use was a cut off section of Donadoni’s pantyhose. Either that or he was planning to pull it down over his face and rob the Royal Bank of Scotland once the game was over. Unfortunately, the fashion police got a hold of him before he could pull off the heist.

(courtesy of Chico)

Real MOTM For Scotland & Actually European Qualifying

As has been the case throughout the entire qualifying campaign, we are left with one overwhelming question, “Where the hell would this team be without Andrea Pirlo?”. Well, I have a definitive answer: Home. Another game, another game changing moment, only this time it came from an aspect of his game you don’t usually expect from Andrea, his defense. In case you missed it, in extra time the Scots sent in a corner which was headed on goal, only then to be cleared off the line by Pirlo’s noggin, saving a goal and sending the Azzurri into the locker rooms with a one goal lead.

I think more than a few will nod their heads silently when I say a goal in the 46th minute heading into the half would have been the death toll. The absolute last thing this Scottish team needed was a sense of belief and momentum heading into the locker room, while Donadoni would have been left trying to keep everybody calm and adequately motivate them. Nearly all the emotional intangibles rest with the Scots for the game, another would have made the Hampden Park hill climb into K2. (Not to mention the simple addition of another Scottish goal, which would have made Panucci the hero for only squeaking out a draw, not launching the Azzurri to victory.)

Anyway, Andrea Pirlo saved the day and displayed a sense of cool only true champions hold time and time again. Hands down the MOTM for all of qualifying. Without him, Wednesday’s game would be meaningless for all the wrong reasons.

Roberto Donadoni

im·be·cile [ɪmbəsɪl, -səl or, im-buh-sil, -suhl or, especially Brit., -seel]

–noun
1. Psychology. a person of the second order in a former classification of mental retardation, above the level of idiocy, having a mental age of seven or eight years and an intelligence quotient of 25 to 50.
2. a dunce; blockhead; dolt.
–adjective
3. mentally feeble.
4. showing mental feebleness or incapacity.
5. stupid; silly; absurd.

Ambro? No DDR? Chiellini for Camo? I’m still trying to figure out how that last one was supposed to work out. And without Kenny Miller’s Miss of the Century and Andrea Pirlo, we’re singing a very different tune. The same Donadoni we’ve seen for the last year plus. I still think the defining moment of the Roberto Donadoni era was in the Faroe Islands, where they squeaked out a 2-1 “victory”.

Anyway, as always, they qualify despite Donadoni, not because of or with him. I suspect the same can be said of whatever success they have in the Euros. (Yes, I’m silently praying he gets canned pre-tourny.)

In The End

I believe it’s safe to say that Scotland has become a boon to football not only in Europe, but on the global stage – with a large slice of the credit going to the fans. Sadly, they’ll be going home to get ready in anticipation of the WC qualifiers after the Euros are over. I’ll openly admit to rooting for the scoreline to stay 1-1 in the late 70’s and early 80’s enabling the possibility of France watching from home this summer.

It’s been awhile since the Tartan Army was relevant, and they are certainly that and more now. Chances are they qualify in 3 other groups, at the least, and earn their deserved place in Swissaustria next summer. Alas, it’s not to be, and they’ll have to wait for their chance, but just allow me to say: Welcome back.

The time has come. One game which means nearly everything. And yes, we’re looking past the international juggernaut that is the Faroe Islands. Basically, take points, and the Azzurri go through to Austria & Switzerland. Lose and it’s time for some meaningless friendlies until World Cup Qualifying starts (don’t even get me started on the reigning champs needing to “qualify” – bullshit). Everybody on board? Good.

Last time I checked, playing in Scotland isn’t exactly the same as a pitch smack dab in the middle of Candyland; unless, of course, you mean Lord Licorice’s lair, at which point I’d totally agree with you. The atmosphere will be loud (drunk), raucous (drunk) and heavily leaning in the favor of the Tartan Army (drunk). If there ever was an away game, this is it. Well, on second thought, I believe it might come in a close second. Scotland has some of the best fans in Europe, and they will literally be a collective 12th man in Glasgow. But last time I checked, the Azzurri did pretty well against a team which is vastly superior to the Scots in the summer of ‘06. And, oh yeah, they happened to be hosting the World Cup.

The mental preparation which that provides will be huge, as much of this team was also in that starting XI in Dortmund. (Probably looking at 6 out of 11.) Therefore, this team, and especially the leaders, will know how to deal with a hostile crowd, and block it out. It’s one of sport’s oldest cliches, but damn it fits: “They’ve been there before.” Of course, that time a little more was on the line…

The variable which, horrifically, hasn’t remained constant is the guy calling the shots on the sideline and getting his team in the proper mindframe in the locker room. Or, in the case of Roberto Donadoni, doing neither and being an overall jackass to boot. Yes, that’s code for “Donadoni is no Lippi”, but I’m sure I didn’t need to remind you of that. Will it be enough to make a major difference and have the big fellas forgetting what it was like in Dortmund? I don’t think so and I hope not, but only time – specifically 90 minutes – will tell.

Oh, and Scotland will be at an immediate disadvantage as the game is not being played in France or against France, because they bitch French teams on a regular basis. (Which kinda sorta makes them endearing.)

Squads

Azzurri:

Goalkeepers: Gianluigi Buffon (Juventus), Marco Amelia (AS Livorno Calcio), Gianluca Curci (AS Roma).

Defenders: Andrea Barzagli (US Città di Palermo), Daniele Bonera (AC Milan), Fabio Cannavaro (Real Madrid CF), Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus), Fabio Grosso (Olympique Lyonnais), Massimo Oddo (AC Milan), Christian Panucci (AS Roma), Gianluca Zambrotta (FC Barcelona).

Midfielders: Massimo Ambrosini (AC Milan), Mauro Camoranesi (Juventus), Daniele De Rossi (AS Roma), Gennaro Gattuso (AC Milan), Simone Perrotta (AS Roma), Andrea Pirlo (AC Milan).

Forwards: Antonio Di Natale (Udinese Calcio), Alberto Gilardino (AC Milan), Vincenzo Iaquinta (Juventus), Cristiano Lucarelli (FC Shakhtar Donetsk), Raffaele Palladino (Juventus), Fabio Quagliarella (Udinese Calcio), Luca Toni (FC Bayern München).

No real surprises other than Palladino, but he’s deserving of at least a spot in thhe stands (nothing more until the Faroes roll around). I’m not really understanding the uproar over the ADP and Pippo snubs. They’re both pretty much finished, and are substitutes at the very best these days, unless one of them decides to switch positions.

A quality 6 midfielders, 5 of which are central. Logic would have us believe this means we’re going to see a 4-3-3 or a 4-2-3-1 (or maybe he reads this page and is ready for the 4-3-1-2), but knowing Don we could see 4-4-1-1 with 4 deep-lying central mids, Gattuso in the hole and Camo up top. Why? Because he’s a fucking idiot. That’s why.

Scotland:

Goalkeepers: Craig Gordon (Sunderland AFC), David Marshall (Norwich City FC), Allan McGregor (Rangers FC).

Defenders: Graham Alexander (Burnley FC), Gary Caldwell (Celtic FC), Christian Dailly (West Ham United FC), Alan Hutton (Rangers FC), Jay McEveley (Derby County FC), Stephen McManus (Celtic FC), Gary Naysmith (Sheffield United FC), David Weir (Rangers FC).

Midfield: Scott Brown (Celtic FC), Barry Ferguson (Rangers FC), Darren Fletcher (Manchester United FC), Paul Hartley (Celtic FC), Lee McCulloch (Rangers FC), Stephen Pearson (Derby County FC), Barry Robson (Dundee United FC), Gary Teale (Derby County FC).

Forwards: Craig Beattie (West Bromwich Albion FC), Kris Boyd (Rangers FC), James McFadden (Everton FC), Shaun Maloney (Aston Villa FC), Kenny Miller (Derby County FC), Garry O’Connor (Birmingham City FC).

Tactics

Azzurri: Ah, fark. Here’s the lineup you’re likely looking at…

Gigi;
Zambro, Canna, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso, Pirlo, DDR;
Camo, Toni, Toto.

Alright, maybe DDR starting is kinda unlikely seeing as how Donadoni has no fucking clue what he’s doing and will probably start Ambro, but I can’t bring myself to line up the Milan midfield in this game. Listen, MA can “surge” into the final third all he wants, but the fact is he couldn’t hit fucking Stay Puft from twenty yards with a pass (my bad, wrong pic). I’m done – and I like Ambro, I really do…but puhlease.

The other position up for debate is that LB/RB spot, where Old Man Panucci and Space Balls (Oddo’s new nickname, for obvious reasons) are supposedly in competition, but I hope we see a little Fab Grosso action on the left with Zambro on the right. Fact is, the guy plays his best ball in the shirt and has proven he shines on the biggest of stages. So expect to see Space Balls in the XI.

* – The one reason I won’t be too upset if Grosso is on the pine is because Scott Brown could give him absolute hell, and it might be best if Zambro deals with him. However, if I’m coach, Grosso has a starting place in my squad for what goes down in my book as the greatest goal celebration of all time. What a moment. (Biased? Nah.)

Otherwise, there is little else we can say about The Don’s choices when it comes to tactics. They’ll probably struggle mightily to score a goal (or to pluralize that), and 99.999999999% of the offensive opportunities will come through one Andrea Pirlo. Luckily enough, on the other side, it will be just a hard to break down the Azzurri defense. Unless, of course, they take to the wings, where a three-legged Schnauzer has been able to expose them as of late.

Oh, and then there’s that Tonigol guy…..

Scotland: Please forgive me for knowing little (read: nothing) about Scottish football. What I do know is that they’re less “joga bonito” and more “fuck, is this over yet?”. Therefore, here’s my guess at Scotland’s tactics:

Ian’s got his XI up (and preview), which reads a little something like this:

Gordon;
Naysmith, McManus, Hutton, Weir;
Brown, Ferguson, Hartley, McCulloch;
Boyd, McFadden.

Key Matchups

Tonigol’s Noggin v The Entire Tartan Army (And Navy, For That Matter): Did you watch that video? The only Scot who could’ve stopped him that day was William Wallace himself (don’t ask me why I know this, but it’s because the real Wallace was like 6′8 – not because Mel Gibson was badass). Unless Scotland has somehow put out a couple of elite defenders in the last 6 months or so (they haven’t), they don’t have a prayer of stopping him from getting to balls up high. Therefore, expect a Tonigol header or two in the net.

(If I’m a Scot, my prayer is that Space Balls is in the lineup, so you man mark all other 9 players, leave him all by his lonesome on the right and let him send crosses towards Greenland all day.)

Italy v Hampden Park: I’m of the belief that intangibles matter more for country than club. Why I don’t know, but I’ve always run with that train of thought. Which is exactly why Scotland’s home record in the qualifiers terrifies me: 6 games, 6 wins, 15 goals scored, 3 conceded. There isn’t much more to say other than “yikes” and hope the boys in (the good) blue play their farkin’ arses off. If they don’t…….

Azzurri v The Flanks: As Ukraine displayed in September, getting down the flanks against the Azzurri for good teams can be akin to a Sunday stroll in the park at times. This is not one of those games that you want to allow space out wide, especially on the counter for Scotland. Scott Brown, one of Celtic’s whizkids, is mad pacy and can beat most fullbacks down the line. Lock him down, or else. Same goes for McCulloch on the other side, although he’s not nearly as talented. But it’s in the biggest games that the most unheralded players tend to shine. Underestimate nobody, especially those in an area of your own weakness.

Can Somebody, For The Love Of God, Please Create Some @#$%in’ Scoring Chances On This Team? v Roberto Donadoni: This is one game where the only thing that matters is the end result, and I could give a fuck all about the means. However, the only way the boys can get that result is if they either play out to a nil-nil draw (entirely possible) or create some freakin’ chances already. As is said after nearly every game, this team would be nowhere without Andrea Pirlo. It would be nice to get him a little help, but The Don Doni don’t play that. Can they win despite playing what will probably be one of the biggest, yet ugliest, games in European qualifying history? Maybe. But DDR would be nice sending in some passes or scoring from distance, ya know…

Key Men

To me there are two: Gennaro Gattuso and Fabio Cannavaro. I suspect Ivan has been waiting for this game for a very long time, considering his fondness for his old stomping grounds as well as the fact that his Mrs. is Scottish (So who does she root for? The hubby or what could be the greatest football victory/upset in the history of her homeland?). He’ll give us his greatest attribute and play his enormous heart out.

Last year, when the Azzurri needed their captain the most, Fabio put on a virtuoso performance in Germany and earned the Golden Ball in a 4 week period. They need him once again. We don’t get to see many vintage Canna performances these days, this very well may be one. If anyone understands what needs to be done at Hampden Park, it’s Fabio.

Predictions

The way I see it, it’s either going to be an ugly one goal win or an exceptionally ugly draw (it’s going to be Wayne Rooney ugly on Saturday no matter what – which is really really bad). What I don’t see is Scotland beating Ivan & Ambro/DDR, then the back line…and then the best keeper in the world. Sure, they may play well and valiantly, but Scotland can’t stop Tonigol, nor can anybody in the world seemingly stop Andrea Pirlo. The D combined with those two will be enough to take a hard fought 1-0 victory out of Scotland.

Score: 1-0
Goal: Tonigol (47)
MOTM: Canna, giving us flashbacks of Germany (God was that beautiful)

When: 1800CET, 1700 Scottish Time, 1200 US EST
Where: Hampden Park, Glasgow, Scotland
Forecast: 5°C, high winds and rain. Oh boy. Welcome to the UK in November.
Streams: Here.

And of course…….

(That video being in French is incredibly satisfying, no?)

Still Campioni del Mondo.

FORZA ITALIA

“It is just like the World Cup Final and a whole year’s work will come down to 90 minutes,” the ex-Livorno tactician admitted.”

No, it’s a game in Scotland. Not Berlin. Getting yourself in a position to say a game against fucking Scotland(!) is your WC Final makes this tenure an utter disaster. He does realize this is the Azzurri he’s coaching, right? This isn’t Luxembourg. How depressing. That statement illustrates everything wrong with the Roberto Donadoni Era.

South Africa Friendly

As I sit here writing this I’m watching Crash, which is one of the most sobering and important movies of recent years. It’s also really depressing considering its social reflections. Almost as depressing as watching Roberto Donadoni march out onto the pitch for yet another game captaining the Azzurri ship. If Roberto Donadoni’s Azzurri coaching career was a movie, it would be Requiem For A Dream (one of my top 2 favorites, which I should probably schedule bi-weekly sessions with a shrink to discuss). You just can’t stop the downward cycle. It’s destiny.

* – I was between Requiem and Rory O’Shea Was Here. Requiem won out because only heroin addicts would make some of the decisions Donadoni does.

So, in order to give the “big boys” some rest, The Don has unleashed the JV squad for the South Africa friendly, or, as I like to call it, the Italian U-25 All-Stars. Comprised mostly of youngsters looking earn either their first caps or a serious look for some extended time in meaningful games, as well as some vets coming off injury or looking to earn their own time. Oh, and Daniele De Rossi. The best midfielder in Serie A. Duh.

So, let’s take a look at this roster of vets, neophytes, scallywags, philanderers and wannabe bushmen:

Gialuca Curci: Supposed to get the start, and if he plays the entire game, he will equal the number of minutes he has played for Roma this season. Which is, uh, strange, but this kid is phenomenally gifted and just needs some composure and maturity before he challenges Sebastian Frey for Robin to Gigi’s Batman in Serie A – where Gigi is the Christian Bale Batman, not George Clooney (welcome to the movie edition of the offside). Also, the life expectancy would jump about a decade in Rome with the immediate departure of “The Human Cardiac Arrest”, Alexander Donieber.

Marco Amelia: Another Roman youth product and another really strange situation. His team, Livorno, to put it politely, fucking blows ass. Real bad. Which is not really his fault, but the fact that he has allowed 17 goals already is mildly alarming – seeing as how that could be an entire season for Gigi. So, uh, the two backups for Gigi are a) a 22 year old reserve for his club, and b) statistically the worst keeper in Serie A. Pray for Gigi’s health. And world peace. But Gigi’s health first.

* – Yeah yeah yeah, I know Abbiatti and De Sanctis are waiting in Spain somewhere, but these two are more important.

Cristian Zaccardo: He scored what was one of the most jaw-dropping goals in last year’s World Cup. Only it was an own goal, and that signaled the end of his WC experience. Still, he’s still young, and pretty damn good. His speed is a great asset down the touchline, and it will be nice to have a change from watching Massimo Oddo cross the ball towards Pluto. If he plays well enough, he may earn a few “real” call ups soon.

Giandomenico Mesto: Versatile choice who has been pretty good for Udinese this season (at least in the minimal sample I’ve seen). His one great deciding factor which may assist him in getting a serious look is his ability to play RW as well, with wings one of the weakest positions on the list of potential Azzurri members. Not that it matters, with Donadoni’s Cialis-induced unrelenting hard-on for deep lying CMs. You know the type that they say, “if you have an erection lasting more than 36 hours, call your doctor”. Look, if you have an erection lasting 36 hours, call the Guiness Book of World Records first. Your doctor can wait.

* – You know, I failed to think about this, but with The Don being a former left winger, the one time in the last 6 months he played with a true wing set, the France game, he only played with a right wing, not a left. Either he is a cocky fucktard (probable) who doesn’t think anybody is capable of playing towards his own standards and therefore the LW spot is being left vacant in memory of his greatness, or he has some deep-seeded self-loathing psychological issues. If so, maybe he and I should schedule a group session and I can tackle that whole Requiem thing (I’ve actually got the reasoning down – I’m cool, no issues here. Well, there is that three legged giraffe from Jupiter under my bed that tells me I should dress like a clown and become a dental hygienist and rename myself Pam.)

Daniele Bonera: I don’t want to know what’s going on during that train ride from Parma to Milan, but it seems to be ruining potentially great careers. First Gila, now Bonera, whose last year plus could probably be described as “sloppy”. Supposedly improving, but not enough. You’d think learning from Maldini, Nesta and Costacurta in practice every day would help…..

Alessandro Gamberini: He gets up the field well for a CB, and he’s a quality squad member who could earn a regular reserve role one of these days, especially with Canna, Panucci and The Matrix’s hour glasses running long, and no CB prospects on the immediate horizon (the best option is still Marco Andreolli, but he’s still a long way from getting garbage minutes in an early round Coppa match for Roma – of course, as Curci has shown, that doesn’t mean jack). This game may go a long way in determining his future call ups.

Canna, The Other One: The Other Cannavaro is only 26 (shocking, I know), and despite being a U-21 stalwart, has yet to make his senior debut. I suspect he’ll get some late minutes, but his time to prove he belongs on the permanent list of considerations will be during his time with Napoli, not against South Africa. Still, what’s an Azzurri team without that patented Cannavaro mega-watt grin? Nothing. Too bad Fabio couldn’t be named just to get a 10 second cameo with his bro. I can only imagine how special forming a partnership in central defense for the national team with your brother in the same game must be. One for the ages. Maybe some day. And yes, Paolo would cry.

Giorgio Chiellini: The Schnoz, as he will be known in these waters from here on out, is playing for a regular spot with the big boys. Many (many many) will argue his eventual seat is in central defense. May be true, but for now he could be a decent backup option in the rotating door which has been the LB position under The Don.

Andrea Dossena: Listen, when this is your reaction to being called up…

“I was told on Saturday afternoon that I may be included, but I didn’t really believe it at first. Then the official call arrived and it was great. This is a beautiful and pleasing surprise for me.”

…then you probably don’t belong. But I’m all for throwing guys a bone in meaningless friendlies. Also, I’m ballparking the number of LBs during The Don’s tenure at 4,723.

Angelo Palombo: He’s kinda like the kid who’s been at the party for the last few hours, but has just kind of been sitting on a couch in the corner observing things for awhile until somebody comes over and says, “Hey, when the hell did you get here?”. The Don obviously likes him, but he has all that disgusting midfield talent breathing down his neck. What happens in this game is likely moot. He’ll be on the outside looking in the window for a long time.

Riccardo Montolivo: The Phenom. He’s just playing to determine whether he’s engraving his name in marble into the starting XI in the near future or the near-er future. The end.

Antonio Nocerino: Ask a Rubentus fan about Antonio and they’ll tell you he’s the second coming of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Ask someone else and they’ll say “get in line, young’un”. He’ll be a regular call up eventually, but how much more is questionable (best guess is on the bubble of that starting XI for most of his career – less about him and more a testament to the disgusting amount of talent running through the Italian midfield pipeline at the moment – this list including DDR, Rosina and Montolivo is devoid of names like Aquilani, Dessena, Cigarini, Russotto, Cerci, etc etc etc). And his chances will improve exponentially if he can avoid being hit by automobiles.

Daniele De Rossi: Listen, I’m not even going here. You gave him the #10, he’s the best midfielder you have at your disposal (Pirlo fills a role like few in the world, but he’s very limited in certain areas), treat him accordingly. Hopefully he doesn’t see the field so he’s ready and rested for Roma’s 2 games in 3 days coming up.

* – He’s wearing the armband, but he has the most caps so it’s a default thing.

Franco Semioli: He of offensive facial hair has been recalled, and it’s nice to see some wingers actually under consideration. He actually may have a chance to make a dent for himself, but then again, he isn’t a CM.

Pasquale Foggia: Will likely miss the game, but he would’ve had to do a lot more for me to say he deserves to be called up for the Scotland game. He’s just not ready.

Alessandro Rosina: He’s like the guy who has that smoking hot girl friend, who’s just that: a friend. She has a dickhead boyfriend who consistently disappears at night and as everyone knows, it’s with other, sluttier girls. Rosinaldo consistently sits with her at night, listens to her problems, makes her feel comfortable and better about herself and puts in all the work that the bf should, but can never evolve past friend. Every night she sends him home with a hug and the dreaded, “you’re easy to talk to”. Until one night the bf is off somewhere picking up a third world STD from some Puerto Rican chick (big ups Puerto Rico!), and Rosinaldo comes over to console her and she realizes that she has been an idiot all along and that he is the one she should be with. So he ends up spending the night and they live happily ever after (and score many many goals together). The end.

In all seriousness, if Rosinaldo isn’t on this list for Scotland and the Faroe Islands I’ll get all up in arms. Then what, I don’t know. But I’ll be angry while doing it.

Stefano Mauri: Rumor has it he stepped on the field in Genoa, but you could’ve fooled me. More a testament to the scarcity of wings in the peninsula than anything else. If the Azzurri either, a) were at full strength, or b) had a coach who had a solitary brain cell roaming around in his skull, he’d be a distant thought.

Vincenzo Iaquinta: Out, the end.

Cristiano Lucarelli: The big commie will see his time, but as soon as Talentino, Gila, Pazzini, Pelle, Pallidinio, etc etc etc either progress or start to get a clue, he can buy up permanent residence in Ukraine. His performances in the shirt thus far make “dismal” look like butterflies and cupcakes.

Alberto Gilardino: Remember this guy? He scored an assload of goals for Parma, started the WC at 23, then dove into oblivion in Milan until that swell little trip to the evil side of the Olimpico a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, he is one of the great hopes for this team, because they still don’t have a consistently very good striker to partner with Lucagol, and that is something they could desperately use while the kids are still sucking on the teat of the calcio breast. He, along with Cassano, is supposed to be one of the next generation’s great hopes. All we can do at this point is pray he starts bagging goals galore. (And could we get him out of Milan, please. The last thing we need is one of the Azzurri potential striking greats learning from Pippo.)

Predicted XI:

Curci;
Zaccardo, Gamberini, Bonera, Chiellini;
Semioli, Nocerino, De Rossi, Montolivo;
Gila, Lucarelli.

I have no clue, nor do I really care. The only things I care about are a) that DDR and Curci don’t get hurt, and that b) Montolivo and Rosinaldo do enough that The Don gets a freaking clue and calls them up with regularity in the near future. Other than that, I could care less if Benny McCarthy bags 81 goals and the South Africans put up three digits. But, I’m going to go with a 4-0 Azzurri victory. The kids and vets fighting for time will probably take this one seriously – they have something to win here.

De Rossi Praises Scotland, Or Not

Them’s fightin’ words.

A lesson in controlling boooooooorreeeedoooooom. This was worse than watching the France game, because at least with that game you knew by the 12th minute it was going to be a nil-nil draw and you could channel surf. Against Georgia the Azzurri were so supremely talented it was hard to take your eyes away because at any moment a sub could come in and they could erupt for 17 goals or something. Of course, that is until you remember that the coach is Roberto Donadoni.

So what did The Don do? He played a safe lineup against a perennial powerhouse with a whopping ONE point against teams not from the Faroe Islands. The ancient back line was predictable, and they were all effectively efficient, though mostly far from spectacular (Fabio Grosso channeled his German self a few times during the game). Then he played his all Milan midfield of Andrea Pirlo, Massimo Ambrosini and Ivan the Freaking Lunatic. What did they do? The latter two contributed nothing offensively aside from some short, meaningless dump-off passes or long, misplaced through balls winding up at the foot of a Georgian. Pirlo was good, but far from his optimal self. So, to recap, when you’re playing a team at home with no chance of winning what do you do? You play a safe, veteran backline with 3 deep-lying central midfielders, 2 of which that have nary a chance of creating jack and/or shit. Duh. How To Coach A World Champion 101.

The forward line was busy, but the return of Luca @$%ing Toni was a big wake up call. He dropped off, picked up the ball well, held it up and doled it out effectively the majority of the time – not to mention creating space for others to put the ball into his big damn self. His presence in the squad is crucial and if the Azzurri plan to make any noise in the Euros – if they make it, of course – he will be Key Guy Numero Uno.

In the end, it was a commanding victory and Gigi was never challenged, but this type of football will not work against the big boys, and it may not even work in Scotland. The solution to me is to scrap the attack from the flanks because it is just not working. I haven’t seen a decent cross thrown in to a decent big man in god knows how long. Pirlo has spearheaded many of these Azzurri victories – and it’s frightening to think where they would be without him – but he needs a little creative help. A creative influence just behind the striker(s) would go a long way in creating a few offensive chances, and the retirement of that Totti guy has been an unbelievable loss. Yet another reason why Roberto Donadoni needs to be given the pink slip. No Don means a Totti return (you know you’re silently nodding at that statement).

Group B
Scotland 24pts (10GP)
Italia 23pts (10GP)
France 22pts (10GP)

Players

I’m going to eschew the rating system simply because some were so uninvolved for either long stretches or the entire game (notably the back line and Gigi) that it really isn’t fair.

Gigi: He could’ve penned a novel, recorded an album, fathered a few children and baked a mean lasagna during the game. He touched the ball about three times. One of the easiest clean sheets he’ll ever see.

Oddo: He just isn’t cutting it anymore. He gets down the flank well, but just doesn’t have that extra burst to beat most defenders; and when he does, his crosses are atrocious. When you’re best attribute is holding the ball long enough to knock it off a defenders shin and win a corner then it’s time to go back to being the team barber.

Barzagli & Panucci: I noticed both probably a half dozen times the entire game. They could’ve brought a barcalounger and parked it 30 yards in front of goal for 95% of the game. GG and Massimo locked down well, but this was Georgia. They were never going to seriously mount a challenge on goal.

Grosso: There were times when I wondered what the hell had happened to his career. There were also times when I thought I was having flashbacks from Germany. Either way, he played off both Di Natale and Tonigol well, and that goal should be enough to at least keep his place on the team once Zambro returns. Nice to have you back, Fabio.

Pirlo: Who the hell knows what happened on that goal. I was watching through my vaseline smeared stream so I assumed it was deflected off somebody, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. He wasn’t dropping the balls on dimes today, but he was still one of the best players on the team and one of the few creative influences.

Gattuso: I almost want to give him the MOTM, but I can’t give it to a defensive player against a squad like Georgia. That would be like giving David Ortiz the MVP Award in a beer league softball game. Still, he was his typical rabid animal self. I also suspect he’s eying that Scotland game and we may see him take things to an entirely new level unseen before. Scary.

Ambrosini: Like Gattuso, he closed down well, but this is still Georgia. We know what we’re getting from GG at this point and we deal with the lack of offense he brings. What the team needed was someone with superior offensive abilities and creative genius at moments. That guy should have been Daniele De Rossi, but of course, Donadoni did in fact spend his career in Milan, so why not throw out the whole midfield of the team which had grossly underachieved all year until this past weekend? Duh. Ambro’s passing was horrid to start the game, then he realized he was getting beyond himself and his talents and switched to short, meaningless dump off passes. He’s adequate, but not right for this team, they simply need more from his spot. Much more. Too defensive for Georgia.

Di Natale: He shined at moments, he looked relatively useless and incoherent at moments. The one benefit to his inclusion was that he didn’t need service to create. In fact, the more separation he got from Tonigol, the better he performed, including the sublime chip which Luca rocketed off the hardware. Another in the category of “adequate”, but it doesn’t stop us from praying that Gilardino and Talentino get a freaking clue as soon as possible.

Quagliarella: He was pretty fucking terrible most of the game. His best asset was creating an inch of space then taking a shot which was usually off target. More of what he’s apparently been throwing out there this season in Udine, with the “sophomore slump” and “one hit wonder” whispers getting a little bit louder each week.

Tonigol: My MOTM for his ability to control the ball, wreak havoc and force the defense to double, triple and quadruple team him at times. One of the greatest compliments you can give a player has come to define LT over the past few years: He changes the way opposing teams play the game. He might have even been MOTM before the game, but the cheeky assist to Grosso and the countless efforts he gave from the lone striker position really allowed the Azzurri to not only control the game, but prevent Georgia from even thinking about pushing too many men up, with a largely ineffective offensive team around him.

Foggia: For someone so dynamic and skilled, he was utterly “bland”, as Martha accurately put it. Simply: he’s not ready. Rosina and Montolivo are; get that through your thick skull, Don.

Mauri: Seriously, what the hell is he even doing on the squad? Lazio hatred aside, he just doesn’t belong. (Although the dearth of true wingers in the peninsula is quite alarming).

(Datasport’s ratings – most of which I agree with)

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It was a commanding game, a solid 3 points, but things still need to change. And soon. There should have been more: More goals. More changes. More creativity. More life. They were flat and they were just sort of there, allowing talent to dictate the outcome of the game (always a win – 10 times out of 10). Just kind of stabbing Georgia on the surface repeatedly, rather than simply slicing their collective throat and taking their will (morbid, I know).

Here’s how I would change things: First of all, Pirlo all by his lonesome isn’t going to get it done offensively. The return of Toni is a massive help, as will the inevitable return of Alberto Aquilani, but they need more from the midfield. Somebody needs to take some of the creative pressure from Pirlo and work in tandem to create opportunities, rather than having four guys holding the ball, another four clamoring for space and waiting for Andrea to work himself free and put the ball on a dime. My solution is to drop a trequartista or attacking mid behind the two striker system rather than flanking a lone striker with two lateral forwards, resulting in a 4-3-1-2 or something similar. The creative influence needs to be one who doesn’t work his way towards the opposing box, he needs to start out closer.

Being that this is Italy we’re talking about, there is a plethora of options. Totti is perfect, but we’re going to have to wait for the return of Lippi for that to happen (dreaming? maybe not…). Fabrizio Miccoli would be a decent option. So wouldn’t Riccardo Montolivo or Alessandro Rosina – that is if Rosinaldo hadn’t murdered Donadoni’s dog (or whatever mortal sin he committed against The Don which prevents him from being called up for a real game). King Alberto would be another great option, as we all know how well he can create from just behind the strikers. But you know who very well may work? Somebody who has actually been a bajillion times more effective in a central creative role in his last few Azzurri caps than he has been as a lateral forward/winger? Alex Del Piero. Now bear with me, because I just threw up in my mouth writing that sentence, but I’m not joking. When he is able to play from the center of the pitch and involve himself behind the striker(s), he has been very good, not vintage Alex, but still good. At least an option, as he may prove to be more effective in that role than people think.

Also, this three deep-lying CMs or 4 central mids shit has got to go. Know your abilities and know that you should be hammering these teams, not resting their heads on the pillow in the final minutes. The addition of Grosso worked well, and it’s nice having an attacking option from the back line like Fabio. When Canna returns it’s time for either Zambro to take over RB with Fabio on the left; or, if Zambro doesn’t heal in time, Panucci slots into the RB slot. Oddo’s crosses are just unbelievable. To the point where I was fantasizing about Cristian Zaccardo during the game. Speaking of whom, he’d due for another (legitimate, aka non-South African friendly) look soon. Oddo’s just not the answer. Hell, the way Marco Cassetti has looked for Roma, I’d rather see him get a recall (that’s correct, I said “recall”). RB is one spot where there are more than enough good options that we don’t need to see Oddo putting crosses into the third deck anymore. Thank you.

Oh, and would you get your Number 10 on the fucking field please? Dear Christ.

For the hell of it, I’d love to see this lineup during the next run out (Faroe Isles):

Gigi;
Zambro, Canna, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso; Pirlo, De Rossi;
Aquilani;
Gilardino, Toni.

I know the two strikers haven’t always worked perfectly together, nor is Gila in optimal form (yet), but the strike partner with Toni isn’t exactly jumping out at me. In fact, if such is the case, the Milan X-Mas Tree formation may work (4-3-2-1), with two creative midfielders behind Tonigol. Hell, I think that might work. Thoughts?

Upcoming

The Faroe Islands are coming to town, which will be a quick 3 points and hopefully be a much better performance than last spring (I still have nightmares of Gigi almost being beat late in the game and allowing the Faroes to thieve a historic and ultimately defeating point). Then it’s off to Scotland, in what will be like a one game playoff series unless France decides to shit the bed against Lithuania (a draw would not surprise me – in fact, way back when I called a 0-0 or 1-1 tie).

The SA friendly is supposedly going to be an “experiment”. Hopefully it fails miserably, blows up in The Don’s face and he loses his job (he won’t). The “B”, aka U-25’s & Friends, squad has been called up:

Questo l’elenco completo. Portieri: Amelia, Curci; difensori: Zaccardo, Mesto, Bonera, Gamberini, Cannavaro Paolo, Chiellini, Dossena; centrocampisti: De Rossi, Palombo, Nocerino, Montolivo, Semioli, Foggia, Mauri, Rosina; attaccanti: Lucarelli, Gilardino, Iaquinta.

Curci will reportedly get the nod, which will see his Azzurri minutes lap his Roma minutes for the season. What Daniele De Rossi is doing on that squad I have no freaking clue. Give the guy a rest. He’s better than every name on that list and he does not need to be kept fresh against a mediocre side. He should have been kept fresh against Georgia, jackass. Lineup prediction:

Curci;
Zaccardo, Gamberini, Bonera, Chiellini;
Foggia, Nocerino, De Rossi, Montolivo;
Gila, Lucarelli.

Who the hell knows. Who the hell cares.

Methinks That’s Marcello Lippi’s Music….

This is the best thing that has happened to the Azzurri since, well, Marcello Lippi resigned:

“I will leave all doors open,” Lippi said. “I have learned in this world that you can never say never.”

This is the type of quote people overanalyze when they’re desperate and looking for a sign. That is us right now. This team needs to look like a world champion again.

Goals

One of my all-time all-times. An excuse for a soundtrack.

So, this game’s theme is out with the old and in with the not as old, but still fairly old. Alessandro Del Piero and Not-So-Super Pippo have been dropped in favor of anyone who possibly has a prayer of creating their own goal in this decade. Or, the strikers he calls up really don’t matter because he now has a healthy Luca @#$%ing Toni at his disposal. And, if you haven’t been paying attention to Bavaria this season, Luca’s tearing shit up. Like seriously – 10 in 10 including the red headed stepchild that is the UEFA Cup. Apparently the German defenses haven’t seen his youtube clips from the last few years, because he’s just running rampant. Always good news for the boys in House of Savoy blue.

Here’s all you need to know about this game: Italia should win. Italia needs to win. Italia will win. Period.

* – Apparently somebody has been handing Luca a massive slice of humble pie. Either that or he just hasn’t been watching the Azzurri as of late. “Me, a leader of the side? I’m not even sure that I’m going to be picked.” Yeah, uh huh. Listen, if Luca doesn’t start I’ll fly to Genoa and disembowel Donadoni with a spork myself. Or maybe I’ll just write mean things about him on this page.

Group B
Scotland 21pts (9GP)
Italia 20pts (9GP)
France 19pts (9GP)
Ukraine 13pts (8GP)

I love that Ribery is calling that France will qualify over the Azzurri from 3rd place along with Scotland. If you’re going to make a bold statement like that, and include Cinderella, then do so when you’re actually in a position to qualify today. Otherwise, shut your mouth and go back to feeding Tonigol.

Squad

So thievishly thieved from Martha.

KEEPERS: Amelia (Livorno), Buffon (Juventus), Curci (Roma)
DEFENDERS: Barzagli (Palermo), Bonera (Milan), Chiellini (Juventus), Gamberini (Fiorentina), Grosso (Olympique Lyon), Oddo (Milan), Panucci (Roma)
MIDFIELDERS: Ambrosini (Milan), De Rossi (Roma), Gattuso (Milan), Mauri (Lazio), Montolivo (Fiorentina), Pirlo (Milan)
STRIKERS: Di Natale (Udinese), Foggia (Cagliari), Iaquinta (Juventus), Lucarelli (Shakhtar), Quagliarella (Udinese), Toni (Bayern Munich)

A couple surprises, notably Daniele Bonera, who hasn’t impressed enough to warrant inclusion on a girls U-11 all star team as far as I, and many others, have seen thus far. Moreso a testament to how injury-riddled that back four really is right now. Also, Stefano Mauri made over what’s his name? Oh yeah. ALESSANDRO ROSINA. I think we need to hire a private investigator to see what Donadoni’s personal vendetta is against Rosinaldo. Did he sleep with TDD’s wife? Sister? Daughter? Son? Come on man, give the guy at least a freaking spot in the stands. Riccardo Montolivo is no surprise. He’s going to be on that list for a very very long time. Don’t start handing out the gold stars to Donadoni just yet, that’s an expected callup.

Possible Preliminary Lineup

Who the hell knows. 4-3-3? 4-2-3-1? 4-4-1-1? 4-4-2? 3-6-1? 0-10-0 with 10 CMs? All possible. What we do know is this: Roberto Donadoni has no fucking clue what he is doing. The lineup card should be filled out accordingly.

My best guess is a 4-3-3 or the 4-2-3-1, likely the former. If he plays a safe lineup against Georgia he’s just asking to lose his job. This is the type of game, after playing like dog shit against France and being outplayed yet getting a fortunate 3 points against Ukraine, to say, “Hey, wait a second, we’re the champions of the world! Maybe we should play like it…”

As far as picking the lineup goes, we might as well pick names out of a hat. Gigi is self-explanatory, but the rest of the defensive corps are either injured, suspended, retired or fresh out of Pampers. The only sure starter is Andrea Barzagli, and while I love him and think he’s a fantastic player, that’s a baaaaad sign. Canna – suspended. Zambro – hurt, again (though I suspect he’s just trying to get time off to spend with his wife – to which I say: “atta boy”). Materazzi – nearly died. Nesta – retired. Daniel Maldini – not ready just yet. So here’s my best guess for the back four: Oddo, Panucci, Barzagli, Grosso. I suppose Chiellini is possible, but, well, who the hell knows.

As far as the midfield goes, I suspect TDD could use that 5-1 thrashing of Lazio to justify starting an all-Milan midfield of Pirlo, Ivan the Terrible and Ambrosini – who has actually been playing well as of late. However, there’s also that Daniele De Rossi guy, who just happens to be the best total midfielder in the peninsula, so there is really no excuse for leaving him out of the starting lineup for the next, oh, 8 years. (Give or take a day.) A midfield of DDR, GG and Pirlo should get it done, provided DDR doesn’t feel the need to attach himself to Pirlo’s hip and lets his offensive skills flourish.

Up top it’s going to be Luca all day. Who will be flanking him is the question. Di Natale may start, but he doesn’t play for a big club, so he’s probably not good enough, according to Donadoni. (Yet another example of his transcendent genius.) Fab Quags hasn’t exactly been on form, so he may not even see the bench. In fact, he hasn’t scored a goal yet, which makes all those Mauro Esposito comparisons look a little more accurate. Here’s the shocker: Vincenzo Iaquinta has actually been looking pretty damn good, and should probably get the start (blasphemy, I know), that is if his knee is alright in time, which it’s supposed to be. So my predicted top line is Di Natale, Toni, Iaquinta. If no Iaquinta my best guess is Fab Quags – I just don’t see TDD entrusting his job to anyone else. Anyway, could be worse. Could also be much better. The best hope is that the game against Lazio is an indicator of things to come and Alberto Gilardino finds those goal scoring boots which have been resting peacefully at the bottom of the Mediterranean. Until then, we wait.

* – His Giginess has been tapped on the shoulder and bestowed with the captain’s armband for this game. I’m usually in the camp of preferring an outfield player, but no complaints in this case – even if I am mildly surprised it wasn’t given to Ivan the Freaking Lunatic. (Could that be a hint that he won’t be playing? Or, if he does, he won’t be playing a full 90?)

So, predicted XI:

Gigi;
Oddo, Panucci, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso, Pirlo, De Rossi;
Iaquinta, Toni, Di Natale.

Georgia

Uhhhhh….Kakha Kaladze? That’s all I’ve got. No, really. Look at this squad. I consider myself to be of decent knowledge for a Westerner when it comes to the former USSR’s national leagues and all, but I’ve got nothing. Absolutely squadoosh. Kobiashvili is quality, the defensive pairing of Kaladze and Zurab Khizanishviliski should be decent, but that roster screams “Azzurri victory.” Just don’t tell Donadoni – we might see a repeat of Hungary when he tries out his new 3-2-2-1-1-1 formation.

Anyway, nine games and seven points isn’t exactly going to get it done against the likes of the reigning world champs, no matter how much Donadoni tries to make the world forget that they are actually the world champs (or, tries to get them to play like this Azzurri team). The 3-1 victory way back when should be replicated at the very least and TDD will probably be able to avoid the unemployment line until the next international break or so.

Game

I suspect we’ll see the Georgian team bus pull onto the pitch in Genoa and stay there for a firm 90 plus extras. A nil-nil draw (or any draw) is a victory for them and makes the Euros a distant dream for the Azzurri, and everybody enjoys being the party pooper every once in a while. Here’s what I expect to see from Donadoni’s lineup, regardless of who’s on the field: shoot hard, shoot straight, shoot often, shoot a little more often, lather, rinse, repeat (look at that, I got it right). This is no time for “anti-football” or to be outplayed by a vastly inferior side, and it’s about damn time we saw an offensive explosion from the best damn team in the world (supposedly). Just take a look at these goal totals from the last 6 months:

Faroe Islands – 2
Lithuania – 2
Hungary – 1
France – 0
Ukraine – 2

That’s 7 goals in 5 games against one very good team, one good team and three teams which should have been blown out the water with a freaking nuclear explosion into the back of the net. We’re not even asking for joga bonito or the ball to be walked across the goal line in a conga line. All we’re asking for is to score some goals against the teams that they should be scoring goals against. Is that too much to ask? Squeaking by and getting lucky with victories after being outplayed will only last so long. Eventually it’s going to bite the Azzurri in the ass.

I think the entire Donadoni era can be summed up in one sentence: They don’t play like world champions. Same roster (largely – minus that Totti guy and Nesta, who didn’t really factor in Germany), which makes it the coach’s fault. It’s time he showed himself capable of coaching mediocrity, and the only thing that would answer that this weekend is an offensive explosion of magnanimous proportions. No offense to Georgia, but let’s see some real results already. He’s been given enough rope; tragically, he looks to be hanging the whole team with it.

(This week’s Donadoni related rant was sponsored by the letter 7 and the number Q)

Predictions

Score: 4-0 Azzurri
Goals: Toni (16), De Rossi (41), Toni (67), Iaquinta (72)
MOTM: Luca @#$%ing Toni

Where: Stadio Luigi Ferraris, Genoa
When: Saturday, October 13th, 20:50 CET
Streaming: Here

As always, FORZA ITALIA

3 points is a nice consolation, but nobody’s kidding themselves here, the Azzurri got out-played. Period. Luckily a few moments of class can make up for that and the boys get to head home 2nd place in Group B, behind surprise leaders Scotland.

I’m so tired of writing about the Azzurri’s games and I don’t want to go into too much detail here, but here are just some observations from the game:

i) Antonio Di Natale is going to get all the credit, but that first goal was Pirlo’s and the second goal had to be put away, and if it wasn’t we’d all be calling for him to never see another minute in the shirt. Plus, it was placed directly at his foot.

ii) Speaking of placing that ball at Di Natale’s foot, Massimo Ambrosini was useless for 89:59. Why he played over Daniele De Rossi is a mystery for the ages. The doc said the blisters were fine, and knowing DDR’s character and determination, blisters weren’t going to keep him from that game.

iii) Sheva needs to be mercifully sold by by Roman ASAP. I can’t stand him, but his talent is rotting in London. Sell him anywhere but back to Serie A.

iv) Why was Andriy Voronin on the pine? I don’t care about tactics. It’s not like Ukraine can afford to keep his talent on the bench for the majority of the game. His impact was evident immediately.

v) We really really miss Luca Toni. Seriously. For a guy who spent the bulk of his career in the Lega Calcio dungeons, he has become shockingly indispensable. And goddamnit, why did he go to Germany? Come back, Luca.

vi) The Don Dada STILL needs to be fired. They’re winning despite him, not with or because of him. He put out yet another scared lineup without any semblance of a dynamic offense.

vii) Who knew Christian Panucci was about to become an Azzurri regular at the ripe young age of 72?

viii) How the hell did Vincenzo Iaquinta go from being an injury-replacement call-up to starting over 4 other strikers? If he was the right choice, wouldn’t he have been there in the first place? No? Explain that one to me, Don. Because he didn’t do jack.

ix) That was one of the better refereed games I’ve seen in a long time. One doesn’t get to throw out those compliments often. Kudos to Howard Webb & Co.

x) Andrea Pirlo is that damn good. Seriously. What a ball. What a talent. What a mane. (GHD 2? Naaah.)

xi) Gigi Buffon is not human. Nor is he 30 yet. Years of jaw-dropping saves ahead of us.

xii) Who replaces Canna, who will miss the Georgia game for too many accumulated yellows? Panucci? Honestly, that’s a real question.

xiii) Which begs the question: should FIFA adopt a rule that if a player as fucking brilliant as Philippe Mexes gets no love for his NT, he can switch countries mid-career? Because this is just getting flat-out bullshit. Julien Escude? Really? Come on. There needs to be a whole new category beyond “chromosome challenged” for Domenech.

xiv) How much has Andrea Barzagli improved over the past few games? Impressive from the young-ish lad.

What It Means

The big deal of the day was obviously the France-Scotland game, because it kind of make a logjam at the top of Group B. I’m sure most people were hoping Scotland would win, but you won’t see me rooting for France unless the most dire circumstances arise, and that hasn’t happened yet. So now Group B looks like this:

Group B
Scotland 21pts (9GP)
Italia 20pts (9GP)
France 19pts (9GP)
Ukraine 13pts (8GP)

Ukraine’s pretty much out now, barring an act of divine proportions. Now the biggest factor is how the schedule’s shake out the rest of the way, and here’s how they look:

Azzurri:
13.10.2007 Georgia (H)
17.11.2007 Scotland (A)
21.11.2007 Faroe Islands (H)

Scotland:
13.10.2007 Ukraine (H)
17.10.2007 Georgia (A)
17.11.2007 Italy (H)

France:
13.10.2007 Faroe Islands (A)
17.10.2007 Lithuania (H)
21.11.2007 Ukraine (A)

The biggest game is obviously Scotland-Azzurri, a game that will be tough but that they boys should win – so long as Donadoni gives them a fighting chance. However, it’s time to start rooting for the ex-commies, because they are now our new best friends. They play both the Scots and la Frenchies, and are more than capable of being spoiler in this group. The only other way I can see someone else helping out is if Lithuania can muster up a draw against Les Bl;eus in France, which is always a tough task, but look what Scotland did. In fact, I would not be surprised to see a nil-nil draw there. But realistically, start waving that yellow and blue flag, because if they can poach a point here and a point there, they will make the Azzurri’s job much easier. At this point they should advance, but we’ll see how The Don Dada feels about that.

Now the mildly exhausting (I blame TDD) international break is over and we can get back to Roma Roma Roma. The game’s against Reggina is on Sunday and I’ll be back with Roma news ad nauseam tomorrow.

Now let’s pray Donadoni is fired by the time the Georgia game rolls around.

Group B
France 19pts (8GP)
Scotland 18pts (8GP)
Italia 17pts (8GP)
Ukraine 15pts (7GP)

Scotland I’m not so worried about. France should beat them relatively easily, as should the Azzurri when they meet again in qualifying on November 17th. Ukraine I am worried about. Not only do they have a game in hand, but they’re highly underrated, very good and (the majority) have the advantage of playing in a league that runs throughout the summer, putting them in mid-season form in a vastly difficult climate. A win vaults them above the Azzurri on the table with their next two games against the Faroe Islands and Lithuania, which is code for “a quick 6 points”. So, I think we can easily say: Must win game. Should they win? Absolutely. The reigning champs take an embarrassing amount of talent, experience and a winning mentality into Kiev. But will they win? Maybe. There are just too many questions right now. Will Donadoni be out-thought? Will the same creatively challenged team from the San Siro show up? Will the strike force resemble a roaring lion or a terrified kitten? Will Gennaro Gattuso get sent off and/or kill somebody? Will Donadoni field Gigi Buffon and 10 central midfielders? Will a nuclear disaster render the game moot? See, just way too many questions to be answered right now.

The Squads

Azzurri:
Keepers: Amelia (Livorno), Buffon (Juventus), Curci (Roma)

Defenders: Barzagli (Palermo), F Cannavaro (Real Madrid), Chiellini (Juventus), Gamberini (Fiorentina), Grosso (Lyon), Oddo (Milan), Panucci (Roma), Zambrotta (Barcelona)

Midfielders: Ambrosini (Milan), Aquilani (Roma), Camoranesi (Juventus), De Rossi (Roma), Foggia (Cagliari), Gattuso (Milan), Perrotta (Roma), Pirlo (Milan)

Strikers: Del Piero (Juventus), Di Natale (Udinese), Iaquinta (Juventus), Inzaghi (Milan), C Lucarelli (Shakhtar Donetsk), Quagliarella (Udinese)

Ukraine (lineup from the Georgia game because I couldn’t find anything else):

* 1 Olexandr Shovkovskiy
* 5 Volodymyr Yezerskiy
* 6 Andriy Rusol
* 3 Olexandr Kucher
* 4 Anatoliy Tymoschuk
* 14 Ruslan Rotan
* 18 Serhiy Nazarenko
* 9 Oleh Gusev
* 8 Oleh Shelayev
* 7 Andriy Shevchenko
* 10 Andriy Voronin

Substitutes

* 23 Andriy Pyatov
* 22 Olexandr Grytsay
* 19 Maxym Kalynychenko
* 13 Dmytro Chygrynskiy
* 21 Konstyantyn Kravchenko
* 17 Olexiy Gay
* 20 Olexandr Gladkiy

Tactics & Lineup

Rumors abound that The Don Dada will be switching up to an attacking 4-2-3-1, a formation that has worked offensive wonders for a certain Serie A team which shall go nameless. The formation is simple: run your ass off, especially on the wings, attack, attack, attack, and defend. It’s not exactly a “play for the nil-nil draw” formation.

Basically the entire team is healthy and only Ivan The Terrible is suspended because, well, he’s a fucking animal, but I think we’ll see a few changes here. There is no reason to change the back four, and Gigi is between the sticks as long as Gigi damn well pleases. But they’ll all certainly have their hands full with the Andriys: Shevchenko and Voronin. Andrea Pirlo is healthy and absolutely should be playing the full 90, as he was easily the best player with any offensive ability against France. His partner should be Daniele De Rossi, who got a few blisters on his feet Saturday but will be able to tough it out tomorrow (get rid of the damn Nike boots). If not Massimo Ambrosini will probably get the spot because, well, he plays for Milan. Same as that Donadoni guy. Either Simone Perrotta or Alberto Aquilani* will probably play at trequartista, and one will probably replace the other at some point. Up top will probably be Cristiano Lucarelli, whose name is written all over this game, seeing as how he plays in the UPL and all. Flanking The Commie will probably be the biggest question. One seemingly obvious choice would be Fabio Quagliarella, who has been awesome ever since he first put on the shirt, but there is still little explanation as to why Antonio Di Natale is put on the bench ahead of him on Saturday. Who the hell knows. At this point the best guess would be Alex Del Piero and either Di Natale or Fab Quag’s flanking Lucarelli.

* – If Aquilani doesn’t play in this whole trip my next post is going to be titled: Why Roberto Donadoni Needs To Die.

My Preferred Lineup:

Gigi;
Panucci, Barzagli, Canna, Zambrotta;
De Rossi, Pirlo;
Quags, Aquilani, Del Piero;
Lucarelli.

I know Del Piero isn’t ideal, but he’s really the lesser of the evils. Iaquinta or Di Natale are potential options, or maybe even Simone Perrotta; after all, this is where Lippi used him last summer. DDR and King Alberto are so gifted and both have played so well to start the year that it’s hard to leave either out of the XI. I put Panucci in for his attacking abilities and knowledge of the system. Other that, pretty self-explanatory.

Predictions

Score: 2-0 Italia
Goals: Aquilani 37′, Quagliarella 49′
MOTM: Aquilani

Where: Kiev
Stadium: NSC Olympiyskiy Stadium
Time: 20:45 Italian time, 21:45 Ukrainian time, 2:45 EST US.
Ref: Howard Webb (England)
Last Game: 2-0 Azzurri
Streaming: Here.

FORZA AZZURRI

Alright, I’ve been saying this ever since Roberto Donadoni was hired last summer roughly 24 hours after Marcelo Lippi stepped down (well, at least to myself before I have a medium to voice by highly infrequent opinions) – Donadoni needs to be fired. Yesterday. This weekend’s result, for all intents and purposes, was fine. France has a very good team and some of their players were more in form than Serie A’s finest (minus Zambro and Canna – two of La Liga’s finest), so a draw really isn’t to bitch and moan about. However, the journey to said draw is something to get up in arms about – not to mention a few of the previous showings and the decision making that led to those losses or “moral losses” (I’m looking at you, Faroe Islands 2-1 “win”).

Let’s start with the squad choices for the two games against France and Ukraine. Nothing really out of the ordinary when it comes to the selections, although there were a few glaring omissions. I know Pasquale Foggia has been out of his mind for Cagliari in the first two weeks of the campaign, but Alessandro Rosina has been out of his mind for the last year plus. Surely nobody expects Foggia to play, so why not stick Rosinaldo on the bench if this is just a learning experience? The inclusion of Foggia is a minor gripe – if one at all – but the absence of Rosinaldo is a big big gripe and one that’s probably due an explanation. It certainly has nothing to do with tactics, because Donadoni doesn’t have any. Or at least any continuous systems or lineups. Actually, it looks like most of his lineups are picked out of his hat, but that’s a subject for further down the page.

Alright, back to selections. The goalkeeper position and defense are hard to argue with, because the majority have already earned their place on the squad, and it doesn’t look like anyone will push for a starting spot in the next few months. The inclusion of a highly versatile and in-form Christian Panucci was a smart move, though, just to give The Don Doni a smidgen of credit. So, 6 forwards and 8 midfielders, nothing too out of the ordinary there. But with the actual selections, one would think the Azzurri were headed for either the 4-3-3 or 4-2-3-1 favored by TDD as of late, because most of the forwards are either second strikers or lateral forwards. Not to mention his inclusion of just one midfielder that is merely adequate on the flanks. So what does TDD do against France? He plays 3 deep-lying central mids and Mauro Camoranesi on the right. Brilliant, eh?

The choices up top have been thrown to the wolves, but it was really the lesser of many many evils. I think the realization is starting to come (if it hasn’t already) how much Luca Toni really means to this team, and how much he forces opposing defenses to work around him. His loss is nobody’s fault, although Donadoni thought otherwise and decided to throw Bayern Munich under the bus for the one thing that wasn’t actually his fault. There’s the argument that Vincenzo Iaquinta should have been there from the beginning, but that’s up for debate. The abrupt cessation of the careers of Antonio Cassano and Alberto Gilardino certainly hasn’t helped, but the forward position in the boot is relatively thin these days (I’ve never been a Miccoli fan, but feel free to bitch about that one as well).

I hate Pippo. I hate his guts. The guy has absolutely zero skills to speak of, but just happens to be the luckiest son of a bitch in the history of global sports (and you start to wonder how much of that is Pirlo, Seedorf, Kaka, etc etc etc). He’s useless if he isn’t getting perfect service in the box and is the antithesis of a team player. When he gets the ball, he shoots, and his shots are typically terrible. But due to the laws of percentages, he scores goals. Should he still be picked? No. He sucks. Does Donadoni realize this? No. Did Lippi? After that bullshit goal against the Czechs, absolutely. Send him back to Milan where he still is a reluctant first choice despite his heroics in Athens.

Del Piero is another subject entirely. Out of respect I’ll just say this: it isn’t 2002 anymore. It’s time to move on. I know he wants to play for the Azzurri until he’s 47 or whatever, but it’s not in the best interest of the team anymore. His best attribute is as a late game substitute as an introduction of vigor, energy and passion when the team’s legs are tired and they need a little Alex pick-me-up (see: Dortmund). Lippi knew this. Hell, even Capello knew this when he was at Juve. Other than that, he shouldn’t be starting. Although I’m not willing to make the case Cristiano Lucarelli or Antonio Di Natale should have been either. Like I said, not the greatest of options.

But wait, what about the man largely responsible for Donadoni still having a job? Fabio Quagliarella? Those two ridiculous goals from outside of most mortals range against Lithuania were the only saving grace for a lackluster game which, if lost or drawn, probably would have sent TDD to the employment guillotine. You know, the one following the 2-1 “win” against the Faroe Islands after which Gigi Buffon & Friends were saying it was a lack of motivation and ferocity in the locker room. Which, um, is pretty much numero uno on the job responsibilities list of an international coach. In a nation of footballing wealth and talent like Italy, the lineup should pretty much write itself (notice I said should) – and motivation is a large factor when many of the boys are tired from their grueling 3 and 4 trophy campaigns with Europe’s elite. Of course any time I hear the word “motivation” from anyone with ties to the squad in Berlin my mind will automatically translate that to “where the hell is Lippi when we need him?”

Are we to think Fabio Quagliarella and his one man shows couldn’t have assisted in a system lacking any offensive creativity from anyone other than Andrea Pirlo? Hell, how about you at least TAKE HIM OUT OF THE STANDS AND PUT HIM ON THE BENCH? Christ, you have the man to thank for whatever ounce of job security you currently have remaining, and if you’re going to field a team whose primary goal is a nil-nil draw, then why the hell not bring in a guy whose nose for goal from 45 yards in gives him the capability to make chicken salad out of chicken shit at any given moment. You know, at least give somebody a prayer in hell of putting one in the back of the net at home (yeah, nothing like playing for the draw at home with the reigning world champs).

Or how about Alberto Aquilani, who has been doing just that over the first two weeks of the Serie A season: making chicken salad out of chicken shit (much love to whichever Kansas City Chiefs quarterback got waived on “Hard Knocks” just so that I could wedge that into my repertoire for the next 10-50 years). The goals against Palermo and Siena were nothing short of spectacular, and neither were something you’d bet the house on being placed into the back of the net. Not to mention being MOTM for Roma’s first three games and one of the best – if not The Best – midfielders in Serie A over the start of the season. Oh, and he can attack a little bit too, rather than having three deep-lying central mids on the field at the same time doing a lot of attacking nothingness.

Of course then there were the tactical changes. Aside from one it was more about the substitutions that he didn’t make, rather than the ones he did. In a team that was having difficulty getting forward laterally and attacking with width, he decided to take off his only winger/side midfielder for Simone Perrotta, a box-to-box central midfielder. Not only that, but he failed to bring in anyone to expose the left flank, which was being defended by Lassana “Verbal” Diarrhea and Franck Ribery – you know, world class defensive skills right there. So why not expose that side with, um, anyone? Del Piero and Pippo needed to come off sooner, probably in the locker room pre-game. In fact, I’m sure there were endless tactical changes that could have been made to give us at least the most miniscule of illusions that Donadoni was trying to win the game.

By his selections, it’s clear he was playing it safe, rather than going for the win with the more talented team at home in a game in which they desperately needed the 3 points. It’s also clear he doesn’t trust youngsters against squads like France, even if they are clearly the best option for the squad. That, any way you look at it, is a recipe for disaster. Best players play. Period. What is he playing? A 4-2-3-1, a 4-3-3, a defensive formation, an attacking one, a 4-4-2? What the hell is his goal here. He picks players suited to one formation, then uses a completely different one. Are we really about to see a new version of catanaccio with 4 deep-lying central mids in front of the back 4 with two largely incapable strikers up top? Because it looks like we’re headed that way.

One large question I’ve had since his hire is why was he hired so readily, almost as if it was predetermined his eventual appointment was manifest destiny? It’s as though he had been chosen as the Azzurri’s Chosen One since his career began. His announcement came just 24 hours after Marcelo Lippi stepped down, with a competitive game still a little ways off (it’s not like anyone would’ve woken up from their victorious hangover and slammed the FIGC for slapping someone with the “interim” tag for a couple games). It is very possible Lippi informed them of his decision well before his public announcement – he did say his decision was made to step down during the group stages, regardless of what happened in the knockout rounds. So it is possible TDD’s appointment had already been made before the rest of the world knew the Azzurri would be Lippi-less.

Which begs the question: What the hell did he do to deserve the appointment in the first place? He had a decent run at Livorno. Bout it. Actually, that Livorno run ended with a violent breakup due to disagreements between TDD and the management. Other than that, there isn’t much to speak of. He hasn’t brought in a revolutionary new tactical system which leaves opposing coaches baffled and opposing teams clamoring for the Azzurri of old. Nor is he a wizard with the word, a magical motivator in the mold of Lippi. Basically, I’m still lost as to what the hell he brings to the table. Of course I would be remiss if I failed to mention there is some great speculation his appointment came due to friendships within the FIGC (Demetrio Albertini, I’m looking at you), which is obviously how anyone should get the job captaining one of the most important national teams in the world. If that’s the case it is quite obvious why he’s been given such a long leash despite his record of horrid decision-making: political favoritism (In Italia? How dare I say…)

The list of potential replacements being bantered about is relatively short, basically consisting of two names: The aforementioned Marcello Lippi and Fabio Capello. Despite being relatively different coaches, here’s what they have in common: they win trophies. Lots of them. We don’t need to rewind the memory banks too far to remember what Lippi brought to the feast, and his Gepetto-like workings of the Juventus strings were no exception. 5 Serie A trophies in less than a decade is pretty spectacular no matter how you look at it, especially when That Milan Team was still tearing apart the whole of Europe with little regard for women and children at the beginning of his run. Not to mention his primary gift is the one thing the Azzurri have been lacking as of late: motivation.

There aren’t too many sweet nothings to whisper about Don Fabio (and as a Roma fan, I could go on all day long with choice four-letter words – but thanks for 00-01), but the guy wins. And then he wins some more. Then a little more. 7 Scudetti (2 tainted, but as far as I know they was Moggi, not him – did I really just defend him? Damn, I’m slipping), 2 La Liga title in 2 seasons and a Champions League title with “The Invincibles.” Yes, that Milan team was pretty decent all by their lonesome, but Don Fabio’s successes later in his career proved he was much more than a figurehead. The ultimate tactician, albeit of uber-boring football, there is little question as to what magic he could weave with a team as talented and as defensively sound (usually) as this current Azzurri team. And it may even signal the departure of Del Piero, if he really feels that strongly against Capello (I think that makes Don Fabio the firm fan favorite).

So, what do both Lippi and Capello also have in common besides the victories? They’re both spending the next year in the announcers booth. Would either come? No clue. I suspect Capello may wish to take his chance with the national team at some point in his career (despite his dark locks and youthful appearance, the man is 61 and 2 years older than Lippi – yeah, you read that correctly). There are also a few others, namely Carlo Ancellotti, who has made it clear he wants to coach the Azzurri before he retires, and Luciano Spalletti down the line, who could easily turn the Azzurri into Europe’s answer to the Selecao. Suffice to say, there isn’t a dearth of high qulaity replacements.

In summation, it becomes more clear with each passing game and decision made that Roberto Donadoni has no clue how to do the job he was contracted out to doing. This is the same squad that won the goddamn World Cup 14 months ago and conceded two goals: one an own goal and another a penalty. None from open play (so for anyone saying they weren’t “deserving” champions, go bitch to a brick wall). This team should be walking through its qualifying group as though it’s an insult they weren’t just handed a semi-final spot to begin with. The players don’t respect TDD, he has no trophy cabinet to look back upon and say, “Look, I did it then and I can do it again”, he has the tactical genius of a Down Syndrome baboon and it looks like he has the motivational abilities of a quadriplegic mime. Donadoni has yet to give even an ounce of justification as to why he was hired in the first place. The man has been given too much rope, if something isn’t done soon he’ll end up with enough to hang the entire team with. At this point, I’m really questioning whether or not the Azzurri will qualify for the European Championships. A year ago, largely the same team was the best in the world and hoisting the Champions trophy that was rightfully theirs. How the mighty have fallen.