Italy – Northern Ireland: “Alright, we’ll call it a draw!”

October 9th, 2011 | by: gadsby | Comments Off

On the 11th of October of this calends, two teams full of what Juventini call Great Champions will convene in the once beautiful seaside city of Pescara to give an exhibition of football of the highest quality.  Yes, contain your excitement, Italy will play against the famed galacticos of Northern Ireland in conditions that usually bring out the finest in Italian national teams, a game that doesn’t matter to anyone, as not only have Italy qualified, but Northern Ireland have failed to.

I think most of what we need to know about our boys in blue has been covered by Papai in this fully comprehensive preview, though there is a bit of addition that should be done so as to fully grasp the situation at hand*. The way I see it, this result, no matter who plays, is completely immaterial as it does not matter. The players, if Prandelli uses his regulars, will not be particularly motivated, so it would thus be in the interest of everyone if Prandelli was give some of the fringe players a run out. Also, it should be pointed out to Prandelli that he should never be averse to making a change, preferably a meritocratic change.

I would not be surprised to see the Azzurri lining up in a similar formation and with similar players as that which played against Serbia. I would hope to see Montolivo benched, as to be honest he really isn’t very good. While I hate that little scumbag Giovinco and every rotten thing he stands for (or would, if the wee scunner knew the meaning of standing), I am afraid that he is in fact quite good, and I would not be averse to putting my sensibilities aside if it meant that the anti-Prandelli faction would bloody shut up.

So, as for our opponents? All I can say is that they will be much like Serbia in the sense that there will be 11 of them playing, and they will be wearing shirts. Also, like Serbia, they play a goalkeeper. Other than that, there aren’t too many similarities. Northern Ireland will probably avoid bringing any balaclavas, though could get a bit…excitable, due to Italy being a 90% catholic nation, and, though Steps have been taken to tone down sectarianism, there will no doubt be that element. Also, no one is permitted to replace the conjunction “aren’t” which “orange” (surely you must know that joke). That is not original or funny. I made it up so I should know.

So, now that’s over with, it comes the time when I will not only give you my prediction, but also recycle a few jokes that my grandfather told me, and his grandfather before him, and his grandfather before him, and so on. First of all, because I’m English, here’s an old favourite, “Northern Ireland are shit they can’t play football imagine that Northern Ireland playing football haha No one ever came from Northern Ireland haha aren’t they shit they’d never beat a real team like England…”. As for the prediction, 1-0, goal by Cassano. Let’s go.

*going over it again, I am amazed that I typed that with a straight face.**

**Also, countless apologies for the picture of Chris Brunt.

Gadsby is on twitter. Verbally abuse him at you leisure @FJGadsby.