Azzurini 3 – Czechs 1: A Running Diary of Awesome Mootness

June 17th, 2007 | by: chris | Comments(4)

For the benefit of those who couldn’t watch – here we go, it’s a running diary of the Italia – Czech Republic game. Italia needs a win and an England loss or tie to swing themselves through to the next round, otherwise they’ll be making their way back to the boot hugely disappointed. I’m not going to sit here and spout a bunch of crap out of my ass about the Czech Republic U-21 team, because I have no clue who they are, and I’m not sure I should. Though their anthem is pretty nice. I wonder if Tomas Ujfalusi and Tomas Rosicky will buy them a bunch of hookers if they go through to the semi-finals. If they do, I will obviously be doing a running diary of that as well.

By the way, there is no way in hell Giuseppe Rossi is tall enough to get on any of the rides at Disney World. Standing next to 6′5 Emiliano Viviano in the pre-game lineup doesn’t help either.

Italian XI: Viviano; Chiellini, Andreoli, Cricito, Motta; Aquilaninho, Nocerino, Montolivo; Rossi, Pazzini, Rosina.

Czech Republic: 10 guys I’ve never heard of and some guy named Papadopulos, who is obviously Czech.

The American gets a chance finally and Criscito also takes over in the starting lineup. It looks like Italia are running The Don Doni’s preferred 4-3-3 system, and I’m sure he had a hand in that decision.

Kick-off: Game on!

1′ The game has been on all of 30 seconds and this Italian team can PASS. The Azzurri are in good hands for the future. (Especially Aquilaninho and Rosinaldo)

3′ Free-kick Aquilaninho after a foul on Rosinaldo……GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Left upper-90.

Sell Pizarro! Sell Pizarro! Sell Pizarro!

5′ They are really taking it to this Czech team. Rossi is about to beat the offside trap at any moment.

7′ Easy save in the box by Andrea Bargnani – I mean Emiliano Viviano. By the way, any parents who give their child a first name that rhymes with the last should be handed automatic life without parole.

9′ The chemistry of Rosinaldo and Aquilaninho is mouth-watering. Rosella, are you watching this?

10′ I’m glad Casiraghi listened up and started Motta. He should’ve been in there from game one.

11′ Aquilaninho another free-kick from deep……just over the bar. There is no way in hell this kid cannot be in Roma’s starting XI next year. No way.

13′ Cross into the box by the Czechs and that big Greek Papadoldoupsidski puts it in the back of the net. Huge mistake by the defense. Italia conceded that goal more than the Czechs scored it.

15′ Aquilani another free kick….just a pass and Pazzini took a lesson from the Filipo Inzaghi School of Football and was offside by about 12 yards.

16′ England is up 1-0 after a goal in the 5th. Horsefeathers.

17′ Great ball by Rosina through to Pazzini who makes a great shot only to be stopped by a great save. It was great play all around. Tony the Tiger would be proud.

18′ The announcers just informed us that despite being on the Czech Republic team, Papadopolus’ father is actually Greek. No shit, huh? Thank you, Captain Obvious. It’s a wonder JP Dellacamera still has a job.

21′ Montolivo is struggling big-time. I think someone hypnotized him into thinking his name is Montolivoski because all of his passes are placed perfectly to the feet of the Czechs.

23′ Cheeky play from Rossi results in Czech molestation followed by cuddling. Free kick Rosinaldo…………….high and left.

25′ Nocerino goes in for a tackle but ends up kicking the Czech player in the knee without going to ground. What a phenomenally mis-timed tackle. The Don Doni was right, he is the new Gattuso. Czech sub.

28′ Free kick Rosina from the right wing……GOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! Il Capitano! Chiellini with the header. Boy that was ugly. Who cares! 2-1 Azzurrini.

30′ Rosina’s pricetag is about to double after this game. What a talent. The Czech Republic clearly cannot hang with the Azzurrini in terms of talent.

32′ I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank who ever came up with the plan to break-up Czechoslovakia, that’s a little much to handle. No, history is not one of my strong suits.

35′ Rosinaldo just beat a defender to a loose ball on the right wing after starting on the LEFT WING. What an animal. Then he takes a lesson from Pippo and gets a yellow for going to ground sans contact. Would somebody please erase all tape of Inzaghi in Italia? The kids don’t need to learn from him. I use “kids” loosely as some of them are older than me.

How is that possible? U-21 tourny, I’m 23 and some are older. Makes perfect sense.

41′ I’m a huge Montolivo fan but he needs to be subbed. Apparently he spent too much time in the Dutch cafes this week.

43′ Pazzini is offside by 25 yards. Or was that Pippo?

44′ There are about 600 fans at the stadium and you can hear everything. And I mean everything. It sounds like a special effects conference.

Motta just steamrolled some Czech player. I want him on Roma.

45′ Rosinaldo takes it from midfield and passes to Aquilani who flicks it out to Rossi on the left side of the box. Rossi shoots………….GOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! 3-1 Italia. What a shot. Bounced off the far post and snuck past the goal line by about a half a yard.

45+1′ 1st half over.

Halftime: Pure domination from the Azzurrini. The trio of Rossi, Rosinaldo and Aquilaninho have absolutely bent over the Czechs and given them a spanking. I’m not even sure the senior Czech squad could stop this midfield right now. Their passes are perfectly placed and they have been able to easily create space for themselves. Unfortunately, their fate also relies on Serbia, who need to tie or win against England, or else the mini Three Lions will go through. Bastardi.

46′ The second half starts with a Czech player kicking Papaodjflfugk in the face while he’s on the ground. That’s how you want to get back in the game. Kick your teammates in the face.

48′ Rosinaldo is the Italian Energizer Bunny. 10m my ass.

49′ The passing is sloppy to start the second half. It’s a sloppy second.

I apologize. I couldn’t resist.

51′ Aquilaninho just bitched a Czech attacker off the ball and won possession. I will start a riot if he doesn’t spend next year in the starting XI at Roma.

52′ Nice shot from distance from Klarbursky, it’s pushed over the top by Viviano. Better shot than the goal, impressive.

53′ Pazzini out, Pelle in. I love this kid. The little and big combo with Rossi should work out well.

60′ What a through ball by Aquilaninho to Pelle, good save by the keeper.

61′ Czech sub. That Rossi goal just killed the Czechs mentally. They’re flat as flat can be.

63′ Huge benefit to watching the U-21’s as to the senior squad: many late tackles. Like coming in from behind a full second after the opposing player releases the ball without being shown a card. I love it.

65′ Rossi shoots high. He’s having a good game, which probably means Ferguson is seeing who he can loan him out to as we speak.

68′ Rosina subbed off for Daniele Dessena. Likely MOTM. Apparently Dessena gets his follicular advice from 1980’s Motley Crue videos. That’s a shitload of hair.

71′ Free kick at the left edge of the box……..high right by Aquilaninho.

74′ Very boring at this point. Lots of passing in the middle of the pitch by both teams but once it gets to the final third they choke and give up possession. Sounds like one of my Friday nights.

76′ England is up 2-0. Nuck-futters. That’s likely all she wrote.

79′ I just realized something. The Serbia team was formally known as Serbia-Montenegro until this past fall. They dropped Montenegro and still beat Italia? They dropped an entire country and still beat the heavy favorites for the title? Holy Christmas.

82′ Though the good thing is the kids will get some deserved time off before training camp starts next month. They’ve played the last 135 minutes of the group stage exceptionally well and have shown a lot of promise. Unfortunately, they needed to play at least 180 well.

84′ Montolivo just ran back on to the field. Apparently he had been in the locker room since half-time napping.

87′ Papadolpolus just shot a laser off his teammate’s face. Payback’s a bitch.

89′ Aquilaninho is making a bid for Man of the Match. I hope Luciano was watching this game.

90+1′ Game over. Italia will be headed home.

It could be worse and they have to be excited about the future.

I, however, am excited about bed.