The King is dead. Long live the king.

January 26th, 2012 | by: gadsby | Comments Off

I suppose we always knew it would happen someday, but I never could have thought that I would ever see the day where it would actually happen, as such. It was in the wee hours of the 24th day of January, in the year 2012, that Italian international (You will never know the limitless pleasure I derive from calling Him that) Amauri put pen to paper on his transfer from Inte… sorry, Juventus, signing a six month contract with Fiorentina. Your humble scribe would like to take a moment or 500 to honour this man, a true legend for both club and country, a player who, regardless of your opinion on him, will certainly be remembered, even if it is nought but memorial in the same way that a particularly gaudy near-death experience would hold the conscious captive.

Amauri Carvalho De Oliveira was born on the 3rd of June, 1981, (As a note, all the wine produced in that town in that particular year went immediately rotten, plunging the predominant wine industry into decline and causing mass famine.) in that peculiar little hill town near Catania that has also produced such Azzurri legends as Jose Altafini, Thiago Motta, and Anfilogino “what do you mean ‘who’?!” Guarisi. After drifting around various regional Primavera sides, we saw our enterprising hero picked up by Switzerland’s AC Bellinzona. The Bellinzona directors, men who recognized talent wherever they saw it, quickly shifted the dashing paragon of this piece onwards and southwards, to Parma. As soon as Amauri signed for Parma, however, a heavy storm broke forth from the clouds, washing away three quarters of the inland town. The wise men of Parma, seeing the ruination of their town, sent Amauri on loan to Napoli, where, after a goal, and six tenuous, locus infested games in 2001, the gallant footballing knight’s loan ended.

Amauri, like any particularly nasty disease worth its salt, was not to be discouraged, and soon set sail for Piacenza, again on loan. After 7 games, his signature 1 goal, and festering boils developing on the faces of the citizens of Piacenza, Amauri would once more return in a state of mediocrity to Parma, where he would once again be packed off, this time to Messina, by way of Empoli. It was at Messina where Amauri would have something of a breakthrough, playing 23 games and scoring 4 goals (swoon). Sadly, Messina would be burned to the ground by a huge tower of flame from the sky, unfortunately bringing an end to Amauri’s tenure at the Sicilian club. Parma, slightly daunted, would shift him on permanently in the summer of 2003, to Chievo Verona.

It was at Chievo Verona where Amauri would first catch the eye of the carnivorous connoisseurs of calcio. Deployed as a second striker, Amauri, or so wikipedia informs me, transpired to be one of the Flying Donkeys’ better players during his three years at the Veneto club. This quaint state of affairs convinced Maurizio Zamparini to bring the forward back to Sicily with Palermo. Once more, Amauri’s career would blossom in the provinciale. In his two years with the Rosanero, Amauri would score 23 goals in 52 games, an excellent ratio for any striker. Surprisingly, the Catanian’s magnificent form caught the eye of the Juventus director Alessio Secco, who signed him for €22.8million, along with Antonio Nocerino (as a note of interest: this would, in essence, mean that Palermo actually made a profit on Nocerino over the summer. There is no shame in laughing rapturously at this point) and Davide Lanzafame.

Amauri quickly settled into Juventus during a whirlwind preseason that I am sure no true tifoso of the Turin club will ever forget. The striker would score against Brondby. He would score against Borussia Dortmund. However, His finest hour came in a 7-0 demolition of the mighty AC Mezzocorona, where he would score an astounding 5 goals to down to Serie D champions. His first Serie A campaign with the Bianconeri was one to forget, by his standards, as he would score 11 goals (the 2nd most of any Juventus player), and Piedmont would only experience a minor hailstorm of frogs.

Things would improve for our magnanimous paladin, as the next season, His first wearing the (now retired in his honour) number 11 in Turin, would yield six goals in 30 games, swiftly cementing His place in infamy amongst the Bianconeri faithful, who obviously could not recognize genius when they saw it. Yet again, Amauri would prove His detractors wrong, scoring a brace against in the Europa League qualifying stage against European giants Shamrock Rovers. Sadly, this would be His last goal in black and white, as coach Luigi Delneri benched the Catanian striker for most of the season. Juventus finished 7th that season, missing out on Europe once again. Hmm, I wonder why.

Now he is gone. Frozen out of the squad by Giuseppe Marotta, stripped of His number 11, and now booted out of Juventus entirely. I would pay tribute to this Man among men, this great paragon of football, but words simply are not enough. He will be missed in Milan.